The Human Addiction to Drama: Well, I Never--!

What is it about we humans, that we get so easily bored with normalcy? If things are going too well in our lives, we look for things to worry about or pies to stick our fingers in which may cause upset... 

Understanding Attachments and/or Addictions
We've all had friends and/or family members where we can clearly see what's causing all the challenges in their lives, and we think we have the answer as to how to fix it. If they'd just listen to us, their lives would be so much easier! I laugh at this trait in me as I tend to be very logic-based and am comfortable shining light on the elephant in the room in an effort to offer suggestions on how to escort him out! I'm a chronic problem-solver and enjoy the challenge of finding solutions. However--while my ideas may be just what is needed--they are not always appreciated. I find people often hang onto their stuff pretty tightly--like it's their child or best friend...

It's not that I don't understand attachments like this. I recognize addictions in my own life--if there's chocolate in the house, I'm all over it...if there's a forensics show on television, I'm glued to it...I'm fascinated with what makes people do the things they do, so yes, I'd be slowing down to see the train wreck as much as the next person. I'm sure there are people looking at my life and seeing obvious tweaks which could be made, and that's my point. We all seem to have stuff from which we can't seem to part. A leader in one of the groups with which I meet regularly once said something like this: "Just leave your bag of stuff at the door--it'll be there when you leave. I doubt any of us would want to trade ours for yours and vice versa."

It's true. Sometimes catching a glimpse of others' stuff makes us appreciate the fact we at least don't have that going on in our lives. In this sense, sometimes I feel my unemployment is as much a journey for those around me as it is for me. I don't know anyone who would want to be in my shoes in that respect, but for me, I have a strong faith and feel God is teaching me many things through this experience. Yes, I wish it would end soon...yes, I know patience is one of the things I need to work on...yes, I see the irony in making those two statements side by side! I once said to my husband, "I hope--if I'm going through this for anyone else's benefit--that they gain what they need to out of it sooner rather than later, so I can get back to work!" 

I remember a lecture my husband Bret and I attended, to hear leadership author John Maxwell speak and have a book-signing. Maxwell talked about the days when he was a pastor in counseling sessions with congregants. They would share their trials, he would prescribe solutions and they'd be back the next week with new challenges--like it was an addiction to the drama those problems provided. Maxwell said he finally couldn't do it anymore and moved onto other pursuits. He's certainly found his niche as he's written well over 60 books and sold over 19 million copies. He's a favorite author of ours.

I've been in many leadership positions in my life and continue to learn new things. I recently had a friend ask for my advice in this area, and one key thing I've learned in this day and age of instant messaging, texting, emails and the like is: know when to back away from the keyboard! We often know what actions will stir people up and what will enhance relationships, but we don't always act accordingly. I believe some of that stems from this human addiction to drama, but I also believe we are sometimes moved to illuminate the elephant in the room in an effort to spur future growth. I don't mind doing this on occasion if I see how it can lead to positive improvements, but I recognize my doing so doesn't always make me popular. Because of this, I work very hard to generally be a positive upbeat friendly person, so the suggestions I make can be seen in the helpful spirit in which they are intended. I'm sure there's still a "Well, I Never--!" response here and there, but like Taylor Swift sings, "haters gonna hate-hate-hate-hate-hate..."

What's really rewarding is when I see someone act on my suggestion(s), and learn firsthand my intention was to aid improvement and strive for excellence--not to add drama. For this reason, I strive to maintain a coach-able mindset in myself as I believe a true act of maturity is when we can get out of our own way and grow--no matter what level we are in our lives, careers and hobbies. I'm still striving...

Todays' Quote:
“Perfection does not exist--you can always do better and you can always grow.” 
― Les Brown

What Do You Do When Your Ghost Story is True?!

I don't recall being afraid of the dark, thinking a monster was under my bed, hearing voices, etc. when I was a kid, but I always did enjoy a good ghost story and was fascinated by all kinds of unconventional things...I suppose I still am--to some extent. I remember one of my junior high birthday slumber parties when a bunch of us girls snuck out and went to the Bellevue Cemetery in the middle of the night. If I remember right, we took my dog, Dixie, as our protection. What were we hoping to find? I have no idea! Ghosts or spirits, I suppose, but what we would've done if we'd found any--again, I have no idea. One of the more forgivable freedoms of childhood is the complete absence of forethought. I miss that!

Ghost stories or not, I remember two off-the-wall things I believed in my younger childhood which are still burned in my memory: 1) I thought I could drift from room to room without walking (basically, I thought I could fly); and 2) I thought I could look at a photograph and see whatever actions were happening which led up to the moment the photo was taken (basically, I thought I saw movies in my pictures). I've since decided I must've dreamed these things, but I've dreamed many things which I've since completely forgotten. These two things are more like memories to me...I know, weird! 

I learned at an early age to be okay with not being like everybody else, and I try to let others be who they are as well. That doesn't make me an enabler and doesn't mean I ignore the elephant in the room if something needs addressing. In fact, I'd say I have a bit of a drive for problem-solving, so if that means illuminating something and looking for ways to solve whatever challenge comes my way, I do try to be loving and logical in my approach. The downside of this is I sometimes have folks complain to me about other folks' behavior, because they know I am more comfortable addressing things head on...if you've ever taken the StrengthsFinder survey, the fact communication is my number one will mean something to you.

Communication being my number one means I'm comfortable sharing many of my life experiences in hopes it might help others...which brings me to three things which happened in our home recently, which I cannot explain--our own 'ghost story' of sorts! 

The first happened when my folks were over after having dinner out with my husband Bret and me. They had come into our house to shoot a happy birthday video for my great niece, Quinn. After we shot the video with my LG3 phone on a tripod, I played it back and the four of us watched it on my small phone screen. Then we decided to watch a recent video I had taken of my father playing clarinet in a fundraising concert at their church. When we were watching this video, the light in our front entryway began flickering like crazy! Now, we've had that light flicker before in the few years we've had my late grandmother's grandfather clock near it, and I've just decided it was Grandma's spirit saying "hello" when I go to wind the clock every week, so I usually say "Hi Grandma" when I open the clock to wind it. Bret has checked the wiring, bulbs, etc. to ensure we didn't have a maintenance problem with this particular light, but everything seemed fine--until my dad's clarinet filled the room. Dad said he thinks Grandma was applauding! That was a few weeks ago and we haven't had any flickering since...

The second unexplained thing happened when I went to look at the posted birthday message we made for Quinn on our big screen computer, and saw LOTS of orbs! Click here and see what you see.

The third other-worldly thing happened a week later, when my husband was out of town and I was sitting on our bed with our three dogs, trying to make a little Vine of each of the dogs to send to Bret in case he was missing them. If you're not familiar with Vine, it's an app which takes six-second videos by pressing your finger on the screen to capture video and lifting your finger to stop. 

My first shot was of Bushido, our black and tan Shiba Inu, who was lying on his side by my legs. His head was down, so I said "Bushido" while I was already capturing video and it ended up being too long, so I deleted my first attempt. The second time I called his name and waited until his head was raising and turning before pressing my finger on the screen to begin shooting while saying "Are you being a good boy?" This Vine of Bushido shows him turning and looking clear past me--like something was behind me--but this wasn't the weirdest part... 

I then turned to Mojo, our black and tan soft-coated Pommeranian, who was already looking at me, so I pressed my Vine screen and said in a lower quieter voice, "good boy". I didn't know until the replay that this is where an EVP shows up, almost sounding like it took some of my energy and voice intonation from when I said "boy" and says something I'm hearing clear as day (because I know what I said and what I didn't say) as a derogatory comment I won't print! Click here to see what you hear. 

The third Vine shot I took was of Toby, our small orange sable triple-coated Pommeranian, who also was already looking my direction. In that shot I say "Hi Papa" because again, this was supposed to be a night-night Vine for my husband.

I'm curious as to whether anyone else hears what I hear in the Mojo clip as so far, no one in my family has, but they do acknowledge hearing something unexplained, and I had just shared the flickering light story and pointed out the orbs the week before. I like to think no one's heard it the same way I did because my family doesn't want to hear such foul language flung at me--especially by disgruntled spirits! To be honest, I had just woken Bushido up twice for a silly Vine video, so he himself could've been thinking such a thought, but a dog-loving spirit who cusses like a sailor at stupid human behavior makes more sense.

That is, it would make more sense to believers, which I guess I have to be now--though I'm not crazy about being put in any category at this point. If you're curious, I was raised Presbyterian, but I do feel we're all on our own spiritual journeys in life, and I acknowledge this would be a major comfort-stretcher for some.

I guess the reason I heard it so clearly is Vine now allows you to cut your shots shorter if you'd like and the way it gives you to do that is it plays whatever shot you're on in the editing tools over and over and over, so you're very familiar with all the sights and sounds of that few seconds of video after a few loops of it goes by. When I first heard this 'glitch', I was going to try to edit it out, but then in that process, it was playing over and over and it dawned on me what I was hearing. Then I was sufficiently freaked out, turned my electronics off and didn't fall asleep until two hours later, around 1 AM! Needless to say, Bret didn't get his night-night video that night. 

In the light of day, I listened again and made the decision not to edit it at all, but to upload it to my Vine account as is. I sent a light-hearted "Spirit Diary II" email with this next week's happenings to my family, and somehow felt better. 

I have to admit I thought it was kind of fun to think we had spirits of family members, pets and/or passed friends hanging out with us at BRIN Cottage, but I need to make the distinction I really don't care to invite any ill-tempered behavior or language--family or not--and the bedrooms and bathrooms really should be off limits for obvious reasons!

I'd love to hear what true ghost stories you might have in the Comments section below. Somehow, it helps to know we're not alone...in our 'we're-not-alone'-ness!

Today's Quote:
"The house ghost is usually a harmless and well-meaning creature. It is put up with as long as possible. It brings good luck to those who live with it."
-- William Butler Yeats, The Celtic Twilight

Choosing Quality of Life--and Embracing Changes for the Better--Rarely Results in Regret

My husband Bret and I were at my folks' house recently to help with some heavy lifting tasks. Naturally, my bodybuilding husband was more help with that than I was! While we were there, I started asking questions about some of the photos of ancestors my mother has framed and on display. The more we were talking, I began to ask about specific people I remembered from my childhood, and my mother started digging out boxes of old photos which have been passed down from generation to generation. It was such fun hearing stories about relatives my folks knew, and even more interesting learning more about some whom I had also been blessed to know.

A recurring element in many of the family stories I've heard over the years has been the recognition of simpler times, far more conservative values and an appreciation of the struggles of those who came before us. When I picked up a picture of my maternal grandmother as a young woman, my mother reminded me that photo had been taken shortly after the first time she had ever gotten her hair cut (and I get the idea this was especially a comfort-stretcher for her father). The drama of women cutting off their long tresses struck me as particularly funny and sad at the same time. It reminded me of Downton Abbey, a PBS series set in the 1920's, when one of the main characters--Lady Mary--was the first at Downton to have her hair bobbed. As someone whose favorite personal hairstyle preference has always been short (even when I've worn it other lengths for variety), I'm happy our society has moved past an insistence on women maintaining long hair!

As we continued to sift through dozens of photos, seeing several people on horses and then others standing by cars which would be considered antiques today, the reality of all the modern conveniences and technological advances created in my folks' and my lifetimes came to mind. They remember childhoods spent sitting by the radio for entertainment, phone numbers with words in them, using outhouses at relatives' homes, paying a nickel to spend Saturday at the movies and lugging around really big cameras. I remember black and white television with three channels you could only change by walking up to the set, record albums you could stack on a player with a needle magnifying every scratch or speck of dust, reel-to-reel tape recorders, Super 8 movie cameras and typewriters. 

To think of life without microwaves, computers, flat screen televisions, cell phones, fax machines and loads of other gadgets upon which we've come to depend is a sad thought indeed. It's a good reminder to appreciate inventors, researchers, scientists, engineers and the like for all life's changes we've come to love. Do you have other fun nostalgic stories and/or favorite inventions you'd hate to live without? Please feel free to share them in the Comments section below and we can all appreciate life's upgrades together!

Today's Quote:

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different."

-- C.S. Lewis

Seven Ideas for a Variety Show Party

You may recall a blog I wrote last winter—10 Ways to Add Fun to a Musical Coaching Retreat—inspired by Acappella Omaha’s annual two-day retreat. We have a highly renowned Sweet Adelines International coach come work with the chorus a few weeks before spring competition, on a Friday night and all day Saturday, and then we have a fun night of entertainment in an after-party closing out the retreat. We like to have as many members participate in the entertainment as possible, and we encourage it to be related to the theme, but it doesn't have to be. I thought it might be fun to make a list of different ideas for how to put something together for such an event, in case helpful to some of our members or others looking to have such a party. The following are Seven Ideas for a Variety Show Party...

1) Write a song parody based on the theme of the retreat or party. We had a crazy fun example of this at last year’s retreat, where the theme was “The Rhythm is Gonna Getcha”. Three of our members dressed in gothic chic with pillows under their blouses, called themselves the Baby Mamas and rewrote Rhythm of the Rain to be about their pregnant condition as the “rhythm method fails again". It was hilarious!

2) Choreograph a dance or learn one from an existing video and perform it at the party. A fun one out right now is to UptownFunk by Mark Bronson featuring Bruno Mars. There are already several videos on YouTube, some teaching the choreography from the music video, and some with their own choreography. If time allows, you can teach some or all of your dance to the group!

3) Create a skit around a song the whole group knows and invite them to sing with you. In Acappella Omaha’s case, this is easy enough because we’re all about learning music together. However, there are many songs most people would know which could be used. If songs don't appeal, you might rather do a skit with funny characters. One of the chorus' favorite running skits is the adventures of Rocky, Bullwinkle, Boris and Natasha that four of our members create around the theme each year. It's TOO funny!

4) Teach something. Since we had a rhythm-related theme last year, I taped a how-to video for members who might like to learn the cups cadence made popular by Pitch Perfect, and everybody had a cup to perform it throughout the retreat and party. I also taught the Bim-Bum-Bitty rhythm song at the event itself. 

5) Play a game with the audience. Some television games give good ideas for this, like Minute to Win It, Whose Line is it Anyway, Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, Family Feud, etc. The caution is taking too long. Usually timeslots are in the five-minute range, but you can find creative ways to do shortened versions.

6) Facilitate a group art project and have a contest for the best creation. This idea is wide open for possibilities. One suggestion might be to break into teams—each with a roll of toilet paper—and have the groups create fashion designs using one of their members as a model. 

7) Be a comedian, magician, a puppeteer, etc. A party crowd's usually an easy audience. Try something new, stretch your comfort zone, strutt your stuff, show a side of yourself nobody's ever seen. You'll have an amazing time and so will your audience!

These are just a few ideas to get the juices flowing. I’d love to hear what fun performances you and your friends may have come up with at past parties. Please share in the comments section below and happy creating!

Today’s Quote:
What do you call a computer that can sing? A dell.
-- Unkown

10 Reminders When it Comes to Volunteerism

I've been a volunteer in many capacities most of my adult life--either through working for fundraisers of my own (or my employers') choosing, or through donating services related to special projects in community organizations or other clubs with which I've been involved. I've also been on the receiving end of volunteer service as a resource development director in the last non-profit for which I worked. I've learned many things in the course of volunteering and/or managing volunteers, and have found volunteerism can be among the most joyful and fulfilling work a person will ever do. In case helpful, I've put together a list of things to keep in mind to help ensure this is the case. Here are 10 reminders when it comes to volunteerism:

1) Volunteerism in a gift--show appreciation. Volunteers are there for many reasons, but most importantly, of their own free will. Even if someone volunteers to fulfill a community service, it's crucial to remember they could always choose to donate their time, talents and treasures to another organization. In my opinion, vounteers should be treated like royalty. I try to take every opportunity to thank people for all their efforts in helping the organization be the best it can be.

2) Volunteers are not employees. Higher levels of volunteers (i.e. Board members or other organizational leaders) may be asked to commit to professional services, fundraising and counted on for important follow-throughs, but for the most part, tasks of top level importance should not be delegated to volunteers who could choose to walk away at any time--especially if the climate is dictatorial and heavy. 

3) Volunteer tasks should be clarified in as full an extent as possible. I helped plan and manage 12 large-scale and several medium-scale non-profit events over my 11+ years in a marketing, public relations and resource development role, as well as oversaw office volunteers--many of which were through the local county diversion programs. I've seen all kinds of ways instructions can be misinterpreted, and have learned to create step-by-step written specifics--with visuals whenever possible--as well as walking through tasks in a verbal training capacity to ensure as clear an understanding as possible. 

4) If gifting is possible, consider it. Even the smallest gestures go a 7long way to help a volunteer know his or her service is greatly appreciated, and ensures they continue to be strong prospects for future volunteer projects. If gifting or awards programs are not in the budget, a simple letter, printed certificate of service or the like would also show an appropriate level of appreciation.

5) Do whatever possible to ensure the volunteer's experience is fun and rewarding. If the task is mundane (i.e. letter stuffing, sealing, sorting, etc.), an offer of a radio (set to their favorite station), snacks, drinks, etc.--plus stopping in to praise their progress and thank them every so offen--will ensure a positive experience for them.

6) Encourage volunteers to invite their friends to volunteer as well. The best resource for prospective volunteers is a current favorite volunteer whose work is the level for which you're looking. If someone invites their friend to volunteer, they might also appreciate being scheduled to share the same task in the same timeframe, so they can work together smoothly and visit with each other in any downtimes there may be.

7) Have a clear idea of skills, talents and interests before scheduling a volunteer for a particular task. Some jobs are higher detail than others, may involve mathmatical strengths, may require a creative eye, etc., so an effort to match skills to tasks needs to be made for a successful and fulfilling volunteer experience.

8) If a professional is willing to donate their skills pro bono/gratis, they are in effect, a volunteer. However, this is a case where the utmost care must be taken in ensuring this person's skills, talents and willing spirit is treated with great appreciation and respect. This is a rare occurance and must be as rewarding for the giver as possible if any future such service is ever to be gained.

9) Serve meals when asking volunteers to work long hours. It is the most basic courtesy to feed volunteers if their service hours are to be long and arduous. If the organization is unable to foot the bill, employees might be willing to do their part for a potluck or a sponsor or donor might be willing to help underwrite this piece, and the venue might be able to provide a deeply discounted catering service.

10) If a redirect is needed, be creative to make every effort to show appreciation and respect, as well as avoid hurt feelings. At some point, you may think you've successfully matched a volunteer's skills to a particular task, only to find he or she is not a good fit at all, for whatever reason. It's easiest to just make a note of this and plan differently next time. However, if it's crucial to the event this person be removed, see if you can make it seem like such-and-so also wanted this role and you're hoping to give them the task at this point in the event, so both have had a chance to do it. It's important to show appreciation to the one you're moving, or--if it feels appropriate--they might even appreciate being released from service early.

There are no doubt other things to keep in mind regarding ensuring a successful volunteer experience, but the most important thing to remember is these folks don't have to be there, they're offering their service at no charge to the organization and they could walk away at any time. This is a fact for which they should be treated with much appreciation and respect. If this happens, they will feel appreciated, useful and fulfilled by lending their services...a win for all!

Today's Quote:
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.  

-- William Arthur Ward

We Don't Need Deaths, Destruction & Drama to Appreciate Life's Blessings

It's the Sunday following Thanksgiving as I write this, and I am counting my blessings now more than ever before. My husband Bret and I enjoyed a lovely weekend with family down in Kansas City, but heard of two souls' ascentions before we returned to Omaha. The father of a Christian Covenant Group brother of ours and a Sister Sweet Adeline of mine passed away over the four-day holiday weekend--both were age 90, both had a love for The Lord and both will be greatly missed. 

Naturally, it's times like these which most vividly highlight our own mortality and the fact we need to make the most of today as tomorrow is never guaranteed. However, having been between jobs over a year following a subsidiary merger--and living a more uncertain life than usual--I seem to be more sensitive to such moments...

Speaking of being between jobs--today, long-time Nebraska Football Coach Bo Pelini has apparently joined those ranks after he was let go this morning. I'm sure this will cause some drama at the water cooler this week...

Another volitile situation going on right now is rioting in the Saint Louis area--as well as a few other large cities across the nation--after no charges were made involving the shooting of an unarmed Ferguson youth. The unfortunate result is more devastation and trashed property, putting many people out of work for the holidays.

Why does it take deaths, destruction and other forms of drama to make us appreciate what we have in this life? I would not wish such pain on anyone, but it does hit home when you see others in these most painful moments of the human experience. Could the takeaway really be as simple as just learning to love each other better? Bret and I caught a television sermon from Lakewood Pastor Joel Osteen of Houston, Texas this morning, where he talked about taking every opportunity to honor each other. I do believe you get more of what you look for in life--whether positive or negative--and I think most people see the logic in that notion, but if so, why aren't we better at looking for the good...accentuating the positive?

My hope is that experiences like these push us to see the good in each other every day--not just at Thanksgiving--and I wish you and yours a joyous holiday season, with more blessings than you can count...but let's keep counting them anyway!

Today's Quote:
"Better to lose count while naming your blessings than to lose your blessings to counting your troubles."
-- Maltbie D. Babcock

In Social Media Platforms--as in Other Things We Love--Variety is the Spice of Life!

I’ve been having a great time building content for a new Facebook page I started about a month ago—one actually under my name: Ingra Winkler Anderson! I’ve actually been managing a Facebook account for my a cappella quartet Firelight for quite some time—avoiding a personal account because of unwanted attention in my past I refer to as My Five Stalkings. I’m not a Luddite—I love the internet, researching all kinds of interests, seeing the latest trends and music videos, exploring apps, playing with gadgets, cataloging past work, e-marketing, etc. I was just in a job where I could plan, write content and design promos, then delegate the uploading and tracking pieces to others. However, my position as a marketing, public relations and resource development director was eliminated following a subsidiary merger last year, so I’ve more actively embraced a more personal hands-on approach to social media ever since. I'm choosing to find it freeing to have no choice!

If you Google Ingra Winkler Anderson or iWiNK Randoms, you’ll find many pages of content I’ve built—some over the past 8-10 years, but most in just the past couple. This, along with searching for a public relations media spokesperson role for an education, entertainment or chamber type entity have occupied most of my waking hours this past year. I currently manage the following accounts:

- Twitter.com/iWiNKRandoms
- Twitter.com/AcappellaOmaha
- Ingra Winkler Anderson on LinkedIn
- Ingra Winkler Anderson on Google Sites
- iWiNK Productions on YouTube
- iWiNK Randoms on Vine
- iWiNK Randoms on Magisto
- iWiNK Randoms on Tumblr
- Creative Solutions by iWiNK on Pinterest
- ReelPeopleOnline.com/IngraAnderson
- Facebook.com/Ingra.Winkler.Anderson
- Facebook.com/ Firelight.Quartet

My mission has been able to find out what makes the top social media sites unique and to find ways to maximize their use, gaining in-depth experience as well as creating online content I can use as examples of my work! What I’ve found is variety is truly the spice of life in this area. With each new platform I explore, I find new ways to communicate, connect and engage, and continue to learn how best to use each one to build best practices. For example, those who have DIY-er, scrapbooking, crafting or collecting tendencies, Pinterest is a great outlet for such. I use it for both personal and business cataloging, and continue to find it also a great way to more acurately pinpoint what I like and in what subjects I'm most interested. I wrote a blog solely on these side perks of the Pinterest platform earlier this year (see January 31st post: Want to Know Yourself Better? Try Pinterest!). 

I’m always happy to share what I’ve learned in case of help to someone else--and love learning new things as well--so please feel free to ask questions or offer any new/improved social media best practices in the space below, and maybe we can help each other grow!

Today's Quote:

“When was the last time you did something for the first time?” 

― John C. Maxwell