Profanity – The Addiction Nobody Talks About

“What does ‘Kiss my ass’ mean?”

Early Exposure

I—at age six—came home from school one day posing this question to my mother. I was a first grader at Floyd Elementary School in Montgomery, Alabama in the late 60’s. The schools were not far from their days of segregation—although this meant nothing to me at the time. In my little six-year-old mind, I just remember George Wallace was often on TV, and whenever I saw him, he seemed angry. This was before he became a born-again Christian (in the late 70’s) and apologized to civil rights leaders for his past actions as a segregationist.

A fellow student—Clifford—was supposed to be a third grader, but somehow was in my first grade class. He also seemed angry…a lot. Thinking back, the fact he was among the first African American children going through what had to be one of the toughest desegregations in United States history no doubt played a role. But again, none of this was relevant to my young mind in those early years. I just remember he was quite a bit bigger than the rest of us, was sometimes scary, didn’t seem to like anybody and introduced me to a lot of new language I’d never heard!

Just Ignore It

If you followed me @iWiNKRandoms on Twitter in early August 2013 (you ROCK because--as you can see in my tweet prior--I had just gotten started and hadn’t told anybody!), I talked about a funny quote of mine from early childhood when I was complaining to Mom about a bully at school: “I did ignore him, but he wouldn’t listen!”

I was talking about Clifford. Over the years, I’ve thought of him off and on, hoping he found a way out of his anger and made it to a happier existence. At the time I knew him though, profanity was a complete addiction of his. I didn’t realize it then, but the quote above was probably the cleanest one I brought home. Each time, Mom would tell me it’s not a very nice thing to say and to “ignore him,” which of course is what prompted that quote I’m still teased about on occasion.

The Study of Why

I believe these early experiences began my lifelong fascination with what makes people do the things they do. Why can some people handle what happens to them with grace and dignity, and other people resort to profanity and even violence at times? Why can some people channel their anger into healthy outlets like running and weightlifting, while others turn to substance abuse, verbal abuse and other destructive behavior? The list goes on and I continue to be intrigued, but I don’t have the answers. We can easily point to upbringing and circumstance, but how does one sibling make it and the other give up when they’ve had nearly the exact same life experience?

Make no mistake--I’ve caught myself using less-than-stellar words on occasion—but it’s not something I’m particularly proud of and I recognize it’s not the Ingra I really want to be. I just found George Carlin’s Seven Dirty Words and the first two are my main trip-ups (four-letter words which begin with “s” and “p”)…I thought number one would’ve been that ‘f’ word!

Nobody likes to think they’re an addict, but doesn't something--potentially harmful--we think we can’t live without put us in that category? If a profane word has never left your lips, you are addiction-free in this area. Congratulations--I don’t believe we’ve met!

Perhaps we’re more comfortable calling it a “habit”. Yeah, a bad habit we need to get rid of…but we don’t want to get rid of it. We need it somehow. It’s…an addiction.

How Much is Too Much?
Sure, some of us are more addicted than others…often reinforced by the positive feelings we get from people's laughter if the word or words are said with particularly good comedic timing.

I remember the beginning of the movie Four Weddings and a Funeral. It opened with several scenes of people running late for a wedding, and the one thing I really remember vividly was it seemed like every other word was that four-letter ‘f’ word I mentioned earlier. My husband and I had gone with my folks to that movie. My mother, the proper English teacher and later junior high/high school counselor (who has been my idol and basically taught good manners all my life) and my father, the United States Air Force Pilot and later academic PhD (whom I also admire and who can also be extremely disciplined) sat in silence as these f-bombs were exploding one after another all around us. I was horrified! I sank deeper and deeper in my seat until finally, my mother started laughing…HARD--and almost uncontrollably--which then tickled the rest of us so much that soon we were ALL laughing to the point of crying!

When the end result makes us feel this good, we might say “Well, if profanity is actually an addiction, it’s a pretty harmless one.”

But is that really true?

With profanity--as with other addictions--we can still:
- hurt the people we love.
- become even more drawn to it when someone tells us not to do it.
- fall into deeper use when we’re around others who do it all the time.
- get ourselves in a load of trouble professionally if we get caught doing it at an inopportune moment…so, is it really “harmless”?

A Football Faux Pas

If you follow college football, you might’ve heard the latest sting regarding this addiction…a recently released recording of a top coach using lots of the ‘f’ word regarding fair weather fans. It was an interesting study to hear and read all the chatter regarding this topic—including the possibility of a person losing their job over it. Bad habits don’t usually raise that much passion and concern…but addictions do. Public examples like this are not only embarrassing to those involved, but let’s make sure those lessons are not lost on the rest of us.

One of my favorite momilies (things my mom always says) is “never say anything you don’t want broadcast and never write anything you don’t want published.”

The Perfect Seasoning

We can find enablers for any addiction. Alcoholics can always find buddies who’ll give them a drink. Gamblers can always find people to take their money. Stress eaters can always find reasons to gorge. Chronic cussers are some of the toughest addicts out there, because most of us like at least a little of that seasoning too (in certain meals), so nobody wants to talk about it. While there may be no cure for addictions, there can always be a personal decision we make to aim higher...be a better version of ourselves...and that looks different for all of us.  Maybe the goal for a chronic cusser's better version, for example, would be simply to use profanity more sparingly and only when it brings joy!

This reminds me of another funny and relevant joke from Mom’s days as a counselor:

“How many counselors does it take to change a light bulb? 

Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.”

My hope is that lessons like that ranting coach recording encourage us to figure out how to channel our tendencies in healthier ways…”Cheese-n-Crackers, that’s a halibut long way to say getcher friggin’ sheep together!”

Okay, that solution’s not working for me either, but maybe there are other ways…

Today's Quote: 

"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."   

-- Mark Twain