“What does ‘Kiss my ass’ mean?”
Early Exposure
I—at age six—came home from school one day posing this
question to my mother. I was a first grader at Floyd Elementary School in
Montgomery, Alabama in the late 60’s. The schools were not far from their days
of segregation—although this meant nothing to me at the time. In my little
six-year-old mind, I just remember George Wallace was
often on TV, and whenever I saw him, he seemed angry. This was before he became a born-again Christian (in the late 70’s) and apologized to civil rights leaders for his past actions
as a segregationist.
A fellow student—Clifford—was supposed
to be a third grader, but somehow was in my first grade class. He also seemed angry…a
lot. Thinking back, the fact he was among the first African American children
going through what had to be one of the toughest desegregations in United
States history no doubt played a role. But again, none of this was relevant to my young
mind in those early years. I just remember he was quite a bit bigger than the
rest of us, was sometimes scary, didn’t seem to like anybody and introduced me
to a lot of new language I’d never heard!
Just Ignore It
If you followed me @iWiNKRandoms on
Twitter in early August 2013 (you ROCK because--as you can see in my tweet
prior--I had just gotten started and hadn’t told anybody!), I talked about a
funny quote of mine from early childhood when I was complaining to Mom about a
bully at school: “I did ignore him, but he wouldn’t listen!”
I was talking about Clifford. Over the
years, I’ve thought of him off and on, hoping he found a way out of his anger
and made it to a happier existence. At the time I knew him though, profanity
was a complete addiction of his. I didn’t realize it then, but the quote
above was probably the cleanest one I brought home. Each time, Mom would tell
me it’s not a very nice thing to say and to “ignore him,” which of course is
what prompted that quote I’m still teased about on occasion.
The Study of Why
I believe these early experiences began
my lifelong fascination with what makes people do the things they do. Why can
some people handle what happens to them with grace and dignity, and other
people resort to profanity and even violence at times? Why can some people
channel their anger into healthy outlets like running and weightlifting, while
others turn to substance abuse, verbal abuse and other destructive behavior?
The list goes on and I continue to be intrigued, but I don’t have the answers.
We can easily point to upbringing and circumstance, but how does one sibling
make it and the other give up when they’ve had nearly the exact same life experience?
Make no mistake--I’ve caught myself using less-than-stellar words on occasion—but it’s not something I’m particularly proud of and I recognize it’s not the Ingra I really want to be. I just found George Carlin’s Seven Dirty Words and the first two are my main trip-ups (four-letter words which begin with “s” and “p”)…I thought number one would’ve been that ‘f’ word!
Nobody likes to think they’re an addict,
but doesn't something--potentially harmful--we think we can’t live without put us in
that category? If a profane word has never left your lips, you are
addiction-free in this area. Congratulations--I don’t believe we’ve met!
Perhaps we’re more comfortable calling
it a “habit”. Yeah, a bad habit we
need to get rid of…but we don’t want to get rid of it. We need it somehow.
It’s…an addiction.
How Much is Too Much?
Sure, some of us are more addicted than others…often reinforced by the positive feelings we get from people's laughter if the word or words are said with particularly good comedic timing.
I remember the beginning of the movie Four Weddings and a
Funeral. It opened with several
scenes of people running late for a wedding, and the one thing I really
remember vividly was it seemed like every other word was that four-letter ‘f’
word I mentioned earlier. My husband and I had gone with my folks to that
movie. My mother, the proper English teacher and later junior high/high school
counselor (who has been my idol and basically taught good manners all my life)
and my father, the United States Air Force Pilot and later academic PhD (whom I
also admire and who can also be extremely disciplined) sat in silence as these
f-bombs were exploding one after another all around us. I was horrified! I sank
deeper and deeper in my seat until finally, my mother started laughing…HARD--and
almost uncontrollably--which then tickled the rest of us so much that soon we were
ALL laughing to the point of crying!
When the end result makes us feel this good, we might say “Well, if profanity is actually an addiction, it’s a pretty harmless one.”
But is that really true?
With profanity--as with other addictions--we can still:
- hurt the people we love.
- become even more drawn to it when someone tells us not to do it.
- fall into deeper use when we’re around others who do it all the time.
- get ourselves in a load of trouble professionally if we get caught doing it at an inopportune moment…so, is it really “harmless”?
A Football Faux Pas
- hurt the people we love.
- become even more drawn to it when someone tells us not to do it.
- fall into deeper use when we’re around others who do it all the time.
- get ourselves in a load of trouble professionally if we get caught doing it at an inopportune moment…so, is it really “harmless”?
A Football Faux Pas
If you follow college football, you
might’ve heard the latest sting regarding this addiction…a recently released
recording of a top coach using lots of the ‘f’ word regarding fair weather
fans. It was an interesting study to hear and read all the chatter regarding
this topic—including the possibility of a person losing their job over it. Bad
habits don’t usually raise that much passion and concern…but addictions do.
Public examples like this are not only embarrassing to those involved, but
let’s make sure those lessons are not lost on the rest of us.
One of my favorite momilies (things my mom always says) is “never say anything you
don’t want broadcast and never write anything you don’t want published.”
The Perfect Seasoning
We can find enablers for any addiction.
Alcoholics can always find buddies who’ll give them a drink. Gamblers can always
find people to take their money. Stress eaters can always find reasons to
gorge. Chronic cussers are some of the toughest addicts out there, because most
of us like at least a little of that seasoning too (in certain meals), so nobody
wants to talk about it. While there may be no cure for addictions, there can always be a personal decision we
make to aim higher...be a better version of ourselves...and that looks different for all of us. Maybe the goal for a chronic cusser's better version, for example, would be simply to use profanity more sparingly and only when it brings joy!
This reminds me of another funny and relevant
joke from Mom’s days as a counselor:
“How many counselors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the
light bulb has to really want to
change.”
My hope is that lessons like that ranting coach recording encourage us to figure out how to channel our tendencies in healthier ways…”Cheese-n-Crackers, that’s a halibut long way to say getcher friggin’ sheep together!”
My hope is that lessons like that ranting coach recording encourage us to figure out how to channel our tendencies in healthier ways…”Cheese-n-Crackers, that’s a halibut long way to say getcher friggin’ sheep together!”
Okay, that solution’s not working for me either, but maybe there are other ways…
Today's Quote:
"Under certain
circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."
-- Mark Twain
