The Art and Science of Letting People be Who They Are

Everybody has pet peeves or things they’ve decided annoy them. Everybody also has things they do themselves which would fit into another person’s list of pet peeves. Some people even get annoyed by other people’s efforts not to annoy people—i.e. chronic accommodators. The bottom line is, in our human experience, we are never completely satisfied with everything someone else does or says—even those we most adore.

For this reason, I learned at an early age to essentially categorize people as I gather experiences with them. This person is driven to help others reach greater heights…this person is highly competitive with themselves…this person chooses unhealthy coping skills…etc. I don’t make any formal list. I just filter the dozens of moments I have with a person into a profile of sorts, and it allows me to more readily strive toward letting people be who they are, and accessing what I’ve found to be the best way to communicate with that particular person. I’ve found this can really be an art of sorts, as well as a science. The art is in finding creative ways to meet people where they are and striving for the most positive and productive interaction possible. The science is in identifying what may be known best practices for certain personality types and putting those to use toward that same goal. We humans are fascinating!

By letting people be who they are, I don’t see myself as an enabler, but some might. I could choose to let something go which another might feel the need to address. This doesn’t necessarily mean I missed it, are oblivious to such, or don’t feel it’s important. It just means I’ve learned to pick my battles more strategically, build more of a focus on what I feel is really important, and what might be better left alone. And what’s "really important" can look different from individual to individual. It’s always interesting to me what people choose as triggers for their anger, annoyance, disappointment, etc. 

In this time of political campaigning, letting people be who they are could also mean staying away from politics in conversations! Whatever it means to you, I have to say this mode of operation has served me well and highly recommended, especially if you’re finding someone getting on your last nerve. Remember, it’s your choice whether or not they steal your joy. 

I’d love to hear what coping mechanisms YOU use for keeping a positive and productive life. Please feel free to share them in the Comments section below!